Self Esteem Blog

Toxic by Sarah Ditum. A look back at the noughties and how unfairly female celebrities were treated.

Book review: Toxic by Sarah Ditum

Are you feeling brave today? Fearless, even? You sure? Then grab my hand and I’ll take you back to the early noughties. But I hope you don’t scare easy, because the new millennium was a terrifying time for young women. The term abuse of power wasn’t yet in every day parlance. There was scant awareness … Read more

three of Chanel's designs (one white ball gown, black tuxedo suit and black taffeta strapless gown) photographed at the Chanel: Fashion Manifesto exhibition at the Victoria and Albert Museum, London.

Personal Style and self-esteem

You’d never guess it to look at me, but fashion is a micro-passion of mine. So last week I travelled to the capital to see not one, but two, fashion exhibitions. Gabrielle Chanel: Fashion Manifesto and Fashion City: How Jewish Londoners Shaped Global Style. Despite my passion, I’m aware that not everyone’s a fan of … Read more

Woman with long brown hair and eyes closed, enjoying her pasta salad.

Weight loss and self-esteem

Walking round our beautifully blossomed park last week, I suggested to my friend that we take a coffee and cake break. She suddenly seemed sheepish. “I can’t do a cinnamon bun,” she confessed “I need to lose weight.” And she said it in such a weird, whispery, intense voice, that I thought she’d just disclosed … Read more

Amy Schumer in a black dress with blonde hair on the Jimmy Fallon Show.

Women’s Gynaecological Health and its impact on self-esteem

Gynaecological health and self esteem hit the headlines recently courtesy of the comedian and actress Amy Schumer. Following her appearance on the Jimmy Fallon show, viewers noticed her face seemed puffier than usual. And because it’s a woman’s appearance being analysed, many felt compelled to comment loudly and publicly on social media. By way of … Read more

In Pursuit of Happiness by Stacey Duguid. Book review.

Book review: In pursuit of happiness

If you’re feeling like your life’s a mess – mayhem all around, not enough money to pay the bills and mental health hanging by a hair’s breadth – then In Pursuit of Happiness will chime with you. Written by fashion journalist Stacey Duguid, it’s an unflinching account of her battles with self-esteem. Starting with her … Read more

Safeguarding your self-esteem

When people talk about boosting self-esteem they often refer to new haircuts, long bubble baths and, lately, eating more protein. All of these things have their place, especially if they bring you comfort and pleasure. But they’re not enough. Because your self-esteem is constantly under attack, the process of safeguarding your self-esteem needs to happen … Read more

Mean girls and how to manage them

It was my birthday last week, so among the many treats I enjoyed (namely Korean skincare, a browse in Waterstones, and a visit to Viet Cafe) I also went to the cinema to see Mean Girls. And, as I was watching the bitching, backstabbing and big dance numbers, I wondered whether mean girls ever actually … Read more

Celia Jarvis, with blonde hair in a bun, wearing a blue dress, and navy cashmere shrug 8 months pregnant and smiling at the camera.

Birth trauma – have your say

As a counsellor it comes with the turf that I rarely talk about myself. Never in a session, and only occasionally on my website. That’s because psychotherapy is all about you – the client. And me chiming in with my own experiences could be irritating or stifling, rather than reassuring. However, I’m about to make … Read more

Pregnant woman posing in silhouette by a window.

Mental health in pregnancy – new download available

Hands up: who managed to blossom and bloom throughout their entire pregnancy? If your hand is still firmly by your side, then you’re very much not alone. And that’s why I created this new Mental Health in Pregnancy Download. Because pregnancy is tough on our mental health, hard on our bodies, and a torment to … Read more

A picture of the front cover of the white hardback book You Could Make This Place Beautiful on a dark wooden table

Book Review: You Could Make This Place Beautiful

When I was younger, and watched Neighbours religiously, I thought I knew everything possible about affairs. Upon discovery of a romantic wrongdoing in Ramsey Street there would be tears, door slamming, and bitter recriminations. But then the cheating partner, fortunately always with somewhere to go, would leave. And that would be that. The marriage done, … Read more

Creating a meaningful Christmas

Christmas can be challenging for so many reasons. Even when life is going along smoothly, the festive season is far from the fun filled love-in we imagine it to be. In fact it can often be laced with fatigue, frustration and family tensions. But even in the midst of this emotional overwhelm, it’s possible to … Read more

Woman in black top with mid blonde hair pouting at the camera.

The Pressure on Women to be Fuckable

There are as many pressures on women as there are demands on their time – building a career, managing money, deciding whether to have children, and if so with whom. And now beyond all this, there’s a new and pervasive pressure mixed in the pot; to be fuckable. Previously, being fuckable was solely the premise … Read more

People pleasing and low self-esteem

The term ‘people pleasing’ sounds so pleasant. It conjures up affability, kindness and a respect for your fellow human beings. What could be wrong with that? Well, quite a lot actually. Because people pleasing tends to go hand in hand with low self-esteem, and the subsequent feelings of frustration and irritation. After all, it’s hard … Read more

Elise Loehnen's hot pink book, On Our Best Behaviour against a sheepskin rug.

Book Review: On Our Best Behaviour

There’s no denying that girls walk a thin, winding and poorly lit path on their journey to womanhood. The demands stack up like a game of Tetris. Be hardworking but not overly ambitious; make the best of yourself but don’t veer into vanity. Never become a ‘pick me’ girl, but beware! Assertiveness is equally unattractive. … Read more

New self-esteem downloadable available

Self-esteem is such a wide ranging subject, that to serve you better I’ve been busy creating some easy-to-read downloadables. All of them specifically focused on a common self esteem challenges. And I’ve kicked off this new content with a ten page guide on the topic of divorce and separation. There can’t be many of us … Read more

Had a rubbish year? 3 tips to surviving the festive season

Christmas comes but once a year, but My God doesn’t it make a big deal of itself? Trumpeting its arrival in shops, TV and magazines from mid October onwards, you’ll have to work hard to miss it. And the lump of coal stuffed at the bottom of the Christmas stocking, is the expectation that we … Read more

Blonde woman, in white vest top and sunglasses taking a selfie.

Managing your self-esteem on social media

As part of World Mental Health Week, Meghan Markle’s been sharing her thoughts on social media. Specifically, how to make it, “Safer, better and more positive.” And it certainly sounds a worthy ambition. Because although social media can be fun, the facts remain that it’s frequently harmful to mental health and self-esteem. Recent research, carried … Read more

Cuffing Season and your self-esteem

I bought a copy of Red magazine yesterday, to read in the bath. It’s a small treat, after a bad week beset with IT issues, migraines and arguments. And as I looked at the front cover, I thought, ‘That’s odd.’ Because instead of the usual fashionably dressed, slim hipped model adorning the cover, there’s a … Read more

Book review: Self-Made

While I was training as a therapist the idea of ‘self’ was front and centre. We discussed it constantly in the classroom, and throughout counselling placements. In fact, I’d guess, I’ve spent hundreds of hours reading, theorising and considering the concept of identity. But, it wasn’t until the birth of my son that I really … Read more

Woman in black hat, sunglasses and brown coat next to an Autumn tree with brown leaves.

3 tips to picking a counsellor who’s perfect for you

The leaves are turning orange, the weather is considerably cooler and just yesterday I spotted a woman wearing both Ugg boots and a plaid shirt. She wasn’t yet kicking the leaves as she walked, but Autumn is definitely here. And, for some reason, this season always coincides with a massive uplift in enquiries from clients. … Read more

Woman with black hair in a bob, and crisp white shirt sitting against a wall. She looks stressed and is holding her head with her hand,

The pressure of perfectionism

Last month I wrote an article for Liz Earle Wellbeing magazine about the pressure of perfectionism. It explored how chasing impossible, unattainable standards can cause significant damage to our mental health. As I interviewed my case studies, I heard multiple accounts of how the drive towards perfectionism led them towards sleepless nights, panic attacks and … Read more

Counsellor with long brown hair and white shirt half smiling at the camera.

Can counselling work for everyone?

This week I received an email from a woman asking whether I believed counselling can work for everyone. She wrote that she’d tried therapy, a few times, and found it ineffective in helping her unpick her own feelings. Throughout her email I picked up on a tone of sadness and frustration. The type we’re all … Read more

Picture of the book Brave Not Perfect, with ha red cover and white, looping writing against a sunset.

Book review: Brave not Perfect

After a lovely, long August away I am back; feeling refreshed, and ready to return to my counselling practice. Everyone knows a good book is as essential to that holiday feeling as a cocktail on the beach. And I got lucky with my summer read: Brave Not Perfect by Reshma Saujani. I found the writing … Read more

Blonde woman by the sea, with her eyes closed and her hand on her heart.

Heartbreak and your sense of self

There’s not much in life that’s harder than heartbreak. Specifically, the heartbreak that happens when a romantic relationship ends. It may explode in an instant, like a gunshot. Or run its course – failing to be revived over many years. Both ways can be painful, and have a massive impact on your sense of self. … Read more

The best time to seek counselling

Here’s a secret that every counsellor wants you to know. The best time to seek counselling is: Now. As soon as you possibly can. And especially before things get really bad. So, from the very first moment you have a feeling, or a half-formed fleeting thought that something’s not right, don’t delay. Find a counsellor. … Read more

Woman standing in bikini, in blue sea in front of rocks,

Beware the beach body narrative

Even writing the term beach body gives me waves of nausea. It feels retrogressive. Like I’ve time travelled back to 2005 and the thin, blonde women from The Hills and Hollyoaks are the only beauty ideals in town. It reminds me of a time when women’s magazines promoted rapid weight loss diets (Reveal a Goddess … Read more

Mother holding a young child in a lavender field,

Childcare and your Summer holiday self-esteem

Drum roll please – in just two short days the summer holidays will begin. And for six long weeks mums (and dads) across the land will be spending more time with their little darlings. How do you feel about this? Excited, pressured, anxious or just full of dread? Whatever your initial emotions, let me reassure … Read more

Picture of the book The Selfish Romantic, with its pastel pink and blue front cover, surrounded by red rose petals.

Book Review: The Selfish Romantic by Michelle Elman

Sometimes, as a counsellor, a book ends up in my hands and I want, desperately, to throw it across the room. Not because it’s boring or badly edited, but because I wish I’d written it myself. And this is the case with The Selfish Romantic by Michelle Elman. It may be a sign of the … Read more

The different types of counselling explained

Before you settle down on the counselling couch, there are often multiple obstacles to overcome. There’s arranging time off work, sorting childcare and, during a cost of living crisis, finding the funds for your counselling. But I think the biggest barrier of all, is managing the overwhelm you feel as you try to understand the … Read more

The 4 best places for wellbeing in St Albans

Want to enjoy some wellbeing in St Albans, but don’t know where to start? Well, I can help. I’ve rounded up the best places to have a break, take a breather and get back to your old self again. There’s something suitable for everyone – from the boujie, budget-busting Sopwell House to the no-cost sanctuary … Read more

Anger and self esteem: 3 ways to manage it

If I were forced to choose between feeling angry or sad, I’d opt for anger in an instant. Bring on the red mist, the white hot rage, the blind fury. I prefer the energy of anger. I love its sense of righteousness. The motivation it gives me to get things done, and its currency for … Read more

Book Review: Flourish by Antonia Case

What did I expect from Flourish by Antonia Case, before I began reading? Judging by the title, and the uplifting abstract on the cover, I imagined it would be a how-to guide, distilling good advice and directing me on the finer points of thriving in my own life. Possibly, it would remind me to drink … Read more

Vlog: How to break up with your counsellor

You thought so carefully about what you wanted in a therapist. Spent days scrolling through counselling directories, picked the professional you imagined you’d work best with, and then began to slowly reveal your innermost thoughts to them. But despite your best efforts, you’ve realised your therapist is ineffective, a bit irritating or just doesn’t get … Read more

Woman with young children either side, looking at her mobile and seeming stressed.

The price of perfectionism

Are you buckling under the pressure to be perfect? If so, you’re not alone. Many good women have fallen under the weight of this unfair expectation. There’s an implicit belief that to be loved, to be worthy of praise and acceptance we must excel in all areas of our life. A flawless appearance, cherubic children … Read more

What exactly is self esteem?

Self esteem is such a common term, so frequently bandied about. We speak of it as if we’re discussing this season’s hemline – is yours high, low or unravelling and trailing on the floor? But what exactly is self esteem and what does it mean? I’ve specialised in this area for five years now and … Read more

Book Review: Ugly Giving us back our beauty standards

I grew up immersed in the world of magazines. From my first flick through Jackie, aged nine, to my present-day fondness for Psychologies and Grazia. There’s something about the aspirational imagery, the smell of print on high-sheen pages, and the promise they offer, that I find so very soothing. But magazines are much maligned, and … Read more

Why ‘wellness’ is worsening your anxiety

This week it’s Mental Health Awareness Week 2023, and its theme? Anxiety. We know there are many things which up the ante on our anxiety – driving in rush hour, getting your kids ready in the morning, giving a presentation when you’re not properly prepared. But sometimes there is a double agent. A frenemy, if … Read more

Vlog: Becoming a counsellor

Is becoming a counsellor something you’ve been considering? I know, for me, it swam in the back of my mind for years, before I eventually took the plunge and began training in 2015. And Interestingly, it will occasionally cross the mind of my clients too, as they come towards the completion of their time in … Read more

storytelling, reading, power, mental health

The Stories we tell ourselves

On a long flight last week, I listened to a great podcast by the therapist, Marisa Peer. She spoke about the stories we tell ourselves. Exploring where we first picked these stories up from, who told them to us and, most importantly, are they even true? As a counsellor it’s my privilege to listen to … Read more

Counsellor, Celia Jarvis of Cappuccino Counselling,, holding her new born son.

how to help yourself when you can’t do counselling

I’m unabashedly biased about this -there is nothing quite like counselling. It turned my life around, making me less brittle and more able to tolerate difficult emotions without exploding. And now, as a counsellor myself, I see and hear of similar benefits experienced by my clients all the time. But sometimes, actually getting to counselling … Read more

Woman with long brown hair looks at herself in the mirror and practices self compassion.

Self-compassion and its many benefits

Any regular visitors to this blog will know two things. One: I am a massive advocate of self-compassion and its many benefits. And two: self-compassion is not as whimsical as it sounds. I’m aware that ‘practising self-compassion’ is the sort of thing we say to ourselves when we lay in bed, flannel on head, nursing … Read more

The secret to self love

Pop superstar, Miley Cyrus has reignited the conversation around self love following the release of her song Flowers. While the tune is as swinging and melodic as you’d expect from Miley, it’s the lyrics which are a masterclass in knowing your worth. In fact Flowers really does contain the secret to self love – which … Read more

Celia Jarvis, 3 tips to finding a counsellor that's right for you

Vlog: Choosing a counsellor in 3 easy steps

Choosing a counsellor, can be an overwhelming experience. There are so many therapists out there, that it can feel impossible to pick the right one. Googling can be hit and miss, and counselling directories can send you into an eternal scroll. To help make the process a little easier, I’ve created this vlog on choosing … Read more

How to date and manage your self esteem

Dating should be great fun – meeting new people, getting a bit of romance, pushing your sexual boundaries – whatever you fancy. But all too often the reality is that dating can damage our self esteem. A study by the Western Sydney University found that using swipe based dating apps, such as Tinder and Bumble, … Read more